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TRANSMUTATIONS APRIL 2015. X-MEN RPG. APOCALYPSE.

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STAFF TEARS, PANIC & FERGIE

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Cecilia Reyes

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Jan 19 2016, 01:57 AM

Before Fabian confesses to being a mole but after Cecilia is released from the medlab

<Cecilia> Cecilia sighed as she reached up and knocked on the door to one of the many empty rooms on the main floor of the school. She still wasn't capable of handling the strain of going outside for long enough periods of time to attend her mandated therapy sessions so the psychiatrist that got stuck with her had made an exception and travelled to see her.

<Cecilia> Lucky me, she thought sarcastically. She hated these sessions with a passion and avoided talking as much as she possibly could in them, the fact that everyone who survived what she had needed to go to these stupid things didn't make her feel much better. Yeah, she had problems, but so did everyone else here. It didn't mean that she needed to spill her guts to a total stranger on a bi-weekly basis just to survive.

<Samson> As it turned out, this psychiatrist actually liked making house calls, he always felt that it was better to meet on such ground as opposed to his own. He felt that it had an impact with what he was told and how he was received.  Cecilia was a very defensive case, however, and he worried that she might see it as invasive rather than comforting. "Come in!" Dr. Samson called, standing up to greet his newest patient.

<Cecilia> It was horrible, but the very sight of the tall man's green ponytail and his usual smart grey suit was enough to piss Cecilia off as she dragged her heels inside. "Hi..." she said, her complete lack of enthusiasm apparent in the flat tone of her voice. "I'm here to get my head shrunk?"

<Samson> "If it's alright with you, I think we should keep it the same size." Samson's good nature was unshaken by the lack of enthusiasm and annoyed vibe from Cecilia. He was used to it. After all, almost no-one actually wanted to see him. "Let's have a seat and get started, shall we?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia scowled at his awful joke and flopped onto the huge sofa across from him, glaring from across the coffee table. Like hell she was gonna start this conversation.

<Samson> Samson was used to this game though and spoke first. "So, what's up?"

<Cecilia> "Not much," she said, shrugging in response.

<Samson> "Well, why don't we start with the obvious. How are the medications treating you?" Samson asked, watching her closely as he pulled out a notepad and a pen. It always struck him as ironic that the people who didn't want to be here kept as silent as possible and ended up having to spend even more time in therapy than if they'd just cooperated at the start. "You're looking better since I last saw you."

<Cecilia> "Other than the track marks from the blood tests, the ever present headache and passing nausea?" Cecilia asked bitterly, pressing her lips together for a moment before continuing. "They're doing their job this time so that's something at least. I wanna get off them as soon as possible though. I'm gaining back weight like crazy on them and the prospect of getting agranulocytosis doesn't exactly thrill me."

<Samson> "We'll be able to start tapering you off them very soon," the green-haired doctor assured. "Have you discussed the side effects you're experiencing with the doctor here?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia hesitated. "No, all of the stuff I'm experiencing is normal as far as I'm aware. What can he really do for me?" Of course she didn't mention that she still couldn't go into the medlab without some heavy sedatives…because her PTSD had absolutely nothing to do with why she'd avoided seeking help with these problems.

<Samson> "Well, he could offer you some painkillers to ease your discomfort. Perhaps the next time it's necessary to do your blood work it can be discussed."

<Cecilia> "Maybe," she said.

<Samson> Samson nodded, deciding to switch directions and try something a bit different. "How are things with your family?"

<Cecilia> "Fine, last I heard."

<Samson> "When was that?"

<Cecilia> "Yesterday."

<Samson> Well that's promising. From what Samson understood about her family they were a strong support and it was encouraging to see Cecilia keeping in contact with them even if she might not always admit to needing them as much as she did. "Did you talk about anything in particular?"

<Cecilia> "Just how I was doing, when they can visit me again, am I eating right… y'know, the usual bullshit."

<Samson> "Do you have plans for a visit coming up then?"

<Cecilia> "My mom might come up this weekend."

<Samson> "Do you have any plans to go back home for the summer break?" Samson asked, noting the rather flat, apathetic demeanour on this notepad for later reference. Well, it seemed as if her depression hadn't improved all that much.

<Cecilia> "Yeah, of course. I never planned not to."

<Samson> "Are you looking forward to doing anything or seeing anyone when you're back home?"

<Cecilia> "No, not really."

<Samson> "Why not?" Samson asked, wondering if there was anything that she looked forward to other than getting away from him.

<Cecilia> Cecilia just gave him an 'are you shitting me' look. "Why do you think?"

<Samson> Samson smiled. "I don't know, that's why I'm asking you."

<Cecilia> "I'm not looking forward to going home 'cause other than my immediate family probably everyone that I know from back is gonna treat me like a fucking leper 'cause I'm the girl that got kidnapped and had some really fucked up shit happen to her. Again..." Cecilia said, sighing irritably and muttering under her breath.

<Samson> "Have you had an experience in the past which made others treat you in ways that you didn't appreciate?" Samson asked, having a feeling he knew what incident she was referring to but wanting her to bring it up on her own.

<Cecilia> "You mean since I got back from wherever the fuck I was this year?" Cecilia asked, wanting to clarify before she answered. Actually, this kind of alienation had happened to her before after a different tragedy and was the main reason why she didn't have a lot of close friends when she left for college.

<Samson> "Before this year,"  Samson replied, wondering for a moment if he'd treaded too far and had just asked a question which would make her even more defensive than she already was. Certain things could be taboo with patients and once that line was crossed you had to back up and try a different path.

<Cecilia> "I don't wanna talk about that," Cecilia said, her voice going hard and ugly. "Either keep the conversation in the present or I'm outta here. Got it?"

<Samson> "Who we are in the present is determined in some part by our past…but we can leave this point if you like," Samson said evenly, regretting even asking it now.  "How are you getting along with the other students nowadays?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia turned her face away from him, blood boiling. "Just peachy," she said sarcastically, not even bothering to pretend that things were less crappy given the current flow of the conversation. It would've been all too apparent she was lying if she'd said otherwise.

<Samson> "Do you have anyone here that you're particularly close to?" Samson asked again, waiting a moment to ask the question to give her time to collect herself. "Someone to talk to?"

<Cecilia> "No," Cecilia snapped, doing just that for a few good minutes before reconsidering. "...Jason came to my room the other day when I got out of the medlab and we talked a little."

<Samson> "Did you talk about anything specific?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia crossed one leg over the other and began to pick at a loose thread on the hem of her jeans. "Not much, we argued a little but then he talked about how he was all gay for this guy we know and asked if he could come over during the summer."

<Samson> Samson knew that was probably not the actual importance of the conversation but decided to play along.  "Do you think you're moving past your suicide attempt together?"

<Cecilia> "…I don't know, I hope so. I like to think he still wants to be my friend even after everything."

<Samson> "It sounds like he wishes to from what you've told me.  Am I right in assuming he sought you out for this?"

<Cecilia> "Yeah, practically invited himself in after he got sick of eavesdropping through my door."

<Samson> "Was he unwelcome?"  Samson asked, leaning back in his seat with a slight frown.  He knew she was defensive around him and he barely knew her beyond the files he'd read. It was hard to imagine how she would react to someone who actually knew her on a personal level and had much more leverage over her.

<Cecilia> "No, no...he was welcome, and even when I said he wasn't he was, y'know?"

<Samson> Samson nodded, offering her a smile in return.  "Yes, I think I know… I imagine he knew as well although it might've taken some time."

<Cecilia> "Yeah, well…at least he made the effort. Which is more than I can say for most of the people that were my friends 'round here," Cecilia said, anger starting creep back into her voice. "Most people couldn't stand to be near me even before I tried to off myself." Her expression grew stormy and for a moment it looked as if she might cry. "Pretty much everyone fucking abandoned me when things got rough. Some goddamn friends, huh?"

<Samson> "I'm sorry to hear that things were so hard for you…but have you ever considered that maybe it wasn't that they were deliberately rejecting you so much as they just didn't know how to help you?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia didn't look thrilled at this prospect. "What the hell is that supposed to be mean?"

<Samson> "Well, sometimes when someone we're close to goes through a difficult experience it can be hard for people who didn't suffer the same fate to know how to approach you. It's not that they don't care so much as they're afraid that they'll say the wrong thing or feel like nothing they can do will make a difference."

<Cecilia> "What the hell?" Cecilia began to laugh a little hysterically. "'Afraid of saying the wrong thing'? You really think that's what they're afraid of?!" She laughed and laughed and laughed… before stopping all of a sudden mid-chuckle. "Excuse me, but I think that's complete bullshit! If I could stand to go through what I did then they can stand to feel a little awkward in my presence for awhile! I was off my rocker but I wasn't awful to everyone else." With the possible exception of Lorna. "I wasn't trying to make people feel bad. All I wanted was someone to be there for me. They didn't have to do or say anything!"

<Samson> "Hmm, why don't you think of it this way: what would you have done in their place?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia opened her mouth and then closed it. "I dunno, I wasn't in their shoes." She kinda was though when Lizzie's parents died…but she'd been so crackers at that point that she couldn't have done anything to help anyways, right? My tragedy came first, damn it. Doesn't that count for something? "I wouldn't have done what most of 'em did though!"

<Samson> Samson smiled a little ruefully. "You expect a lot from other people, don't you?"

<Cecilia> "I expect a lot from other people and I expect a lot from myself," Cecilia said, narrowing her eyes at him and pointing a finger to her chest. "Probably the most from myself out of 'em all."

<Samson> "Have you met your own standards very often in the past?"

<Cecilia> "…No," Cecilia admitted, her shoulders slumping slightly before she straightened up again, eyes steely. "But at least I tried."

<Samson> "Cecilia, I imagine that you're usually the sort of person that dies trying."
Jan 15 2016, 01:03 PM
<Fabian> The new room was, of course, empty.  Fabian's things had been delivered but he hadn't bothered to unpack them as of yet.  He stared at the stack of his things, trying to decide if he was actually up for going through the things that he hadn't yet grabbed out of need or if it could stay in hopes that he wouldn't have to be here for too terrible long.  That wasn't likely.  After all, he had an understanding with Xavier now but it wasn't one he was allowing himself to feel easy in.  He had already witnessed Lehnsherr's reaction and Cecilia's; more people would have understandable reactions  to his presence.  Was it really the right thing for him to take advantage of staying in their home?

<Fabian> His choices were numbered at best and the good choices he could make were smaller still.  Fabian forced himself up off of his bed and made for the closet.  If he was going to do this he wasn't going to live out of a damned box even if he was in one himself.

<Cecilia> Cecilia had considered and reconsidered seeing the former Acolyte for the last few days over and over again before deciding that she had to have some answers whether they were unpleasant or not. Just walking down the hall towards the room where he was staying made her legs shake and stomach churn with nausea but still she continued on, determined. She stopped at the door at the end of the men's dorms, knocking sharply on the door. "Hey, are you in there? If you are there I…I need to talk 'bout some things with you."

<Cecilia> "I…" she clenched her fists tightly. "I promise that I won't hurt you."

<Fabian> Fabian frowned, looking up at the door from his spot near the closet where he was hanging up what things he had here.  Cecilia? Why on earth would she want to be here?  He had thought she had surely made her opinions known and he couldn't imagine he could bring her anything useful.  "I wouldn't think that of you.  Please, come in."  He replied, quickly sidestepping the storage box to get to the door and unlock it.  Even though locks wouldn't stop half of the student body from coming in here and eating him alive it had still seemed a good idea just in case.  He opened the door, unable to hide the surprise and confusion on his face.

<Cecilia> "…Hi." God, it felt...she didn't even know how it felt to see him again after the bomb he'd dropped on her but it was probably a combination of various negative emotions. She didn't feel especially infuriated though like she thought she would. Perhaps that was mostly because (while he had confessed to wronging her) she was only just beginning to remember some of the worst parts of her ordeal. "Mind if I come in?"

<Fabian> Fabian promptly stepped out of her way.  "Be my guest."  He almost asked if she would prefer the door left open but stopped, deciding he would simply leave that in her hand as he stepped on away from the door.  "I'm sorry, it's a bit unsettled at the moment...but I hardly think you're in here for the condition of the room."  It was difficult to look at her.  It already had been before but it was difficult for a different reason now; Fabian was almost afraid to see the weight of the hate he expected there.

<Cecilia> Cecilia shut the door, she didn't want anyone else to hear this and she was quite certain that he didn't pose much of a threat to her anymore with her heightened powers. Besides, it wasn't as though Xavier would've let him stay if he was a threat, right? "I need to know some things...and I was hoping that you might be able to give me some answers."

<Fabian> Fabian decided that the best place for him to sit was perhaps his bed but he waited for her to claim a seat first or to not.  It wasn't as if he expect her to make herself comfortable around him, after all. "Ask me anything; you'll get the truth."  Truthfulness had been one of the few things Fabian could have said he truly appreciated as much as he should have before.  It was actually quite nice to be able to let the truth flow out again.


<Cecilia> Cecilia just moved past him, sighing shakily and covering her mouth with her hands, her skin ashen. "You said that you knew back in that hellhole...how well did you know me though? Did you just cart me from place to place or did we know each other on a personal basis? I can't remember a lot of what happened and what I can is all jumbled up in a lotta other things. I...I had a psychotic break from the strain."

<Cecilia> She felt ashamed to admit it even though she knew rationally anyone would've broken under the same circumstances. "I suppose you'd already figured that out by now though. Even if I didn't come off as completely batshit when I ran into you someone must've told you by now."

<Fabian> "We…" Fuck it, Fabian did have to sit down for this.  He plopped himself right down on the side of his bed as he tried to figure out a way to answer her question.  Could he really claim to know her well?  How well could you know someone who was basically your prisoner?  It could be argued that she had been Nur and Essex's prisoner but Fabian still knew where that put him. "As well as we could have known one another in the situation.  I...I would visit...give you books.  I'm not sure if I was doing more harm than good really.  Anything I could have done seemed cruel until the end."

<Cecilia> Her face went even paler. "You would visit?"

<Fabian> "Y-yeah."  If this bed could simply eat him up Fabian would be at peace with going right now although he was certain he would burn.  

<Cecilia> "For what?!" Cecilia said, her panic rising when he admitted but didn't elaborate on that. "Nothing happened, right?"

<Fabian> For a moment Fabian looked confused.  Then, of course, the worst-case-scenario she could be thinking about came into his mind.  "Oh!  Oh God!  No, no, no, nothing like that."  He managed to seemingly become pale and green all at once, eyes growing alarmingly wide.  "Oh Déu, quoin persona he tornat perquè això sigui una pregunta raonable preguntar sobre mi?"

(Catalan: Oh God, what kind of person have I become for that to be a reasonable question to ask about me?)

<Cecilia> "No es un respetable te puedo decir eso!" Cecilia screamed at him suddenly before turning away abruptly, surprise etched on her features "I'm sorry, I have no idea where that came from...I didn't even feel angry right until that second."

(Spanish: Not a respectable one I can tell you that!)

<Fabian> "Of course you're angry.  You don't have to feel it to have a healthy dose of wrath towards those who have wronged you."  Fabian almost chuckled, shaking his head.  "I didn't think you were here to start our book discussions up again, after all, although it seems that you're still somewhat used to parsing away the language differences when I start to talk to myself."

<Cecilia> "…We talked about books?" Cecilia said, a slightly hysterical laugh escaping her.

<Fabian> "You like Marquez. He is your favourite author,"  Fabian replied, having trouble meeting her eyes but forcing himself to do so nevertheless.

<Cecilia> Cecilia gave him a strange look. "Do you think that these little book club meetings made us friends of some kind?"

<Fabian>"At the time?  The closest either of us could come to it, yes.  Now?  I certainly wouldn't force such a thing onto you,"  Fabian replied, feeling that was the most diplomatic way he could ever hope to have put that idea.  Yes, they had taken as much comfort as could actually be found in that hellish cell but out where the sun actually touched the corners of the rooms they saw one another in now he knew he shouldn't call the two of them friends, not anymore.

<Cecilia> How could they have ever been friends? Cecilia wanted to ask. For the entire time she'd been in his presence it was either duress or he'd been flat out lying to her. Under those circumstances how was it even possible to cultivate a genuine friendship? She was inclined to say that there wasn't...but found herself unable to say it to his face.

<Cecilia> Still, it didn't stop her from continuing. "I believe you when you said you didn't do anything to me but you gotta admit that you coming to hang out with a prisoner sounds a little weird. You're...what, in your late teens?" God, it hadn't occurred to her until then that he might be even younger.

<Fabian> "Eighteen,"  Fabian replied.  Soon to be nineteen and he had thrown away a year of his life, perhaps all of it, doing something that he hadn't even remotely believed in the second he had seen it for the bare facts and how horrible it had been.  He decided that was certainly not anything to add to his answer, however.  It wasn't anything that Cecilia would benefit from knowing.  "And believe me; I know.  I'm sure it sounds horrifically skeevy without the memories of it."

<Cecilia> Cecilia crossed her arms, deciding to let that matter drop and pursue another avenue of questioning. "Was the man who experimented on me named Essex?"

<Fabian> "Yes, Nathaniel Essex."  Fabian replied promptly, not sure if he should be relieved or very wary about the change of topic.  Nothing good ever came from Essex and Fabian was fairly sure that nothing good ever came from talking about the man either.  "He was the man who Nur had tagged to create his Horsemen and Herald.  I hadn't met the man until coming to America...you know better than most how insane he is."

<Cecilia> "I didn't know his first name." She filed that away for later though. "I also don't remember everything that happened. I get flashes sometimes but they bleed into other things as well so it's sometimes hard to tell what really happened and what didn't."

<Cecilia> "Do you...you don't happen to know what he did to me exactly, right? I know my powers are augmented but how did he actually do that?"

<Fabian> "Partly I'd say some of it was untapped already in you but Essex...lets just say his methods are flawed at best.  There's no telling what actually caused that out of the things he did...some of the surgery, some of the drugs, who knows what else.  I suppose since it hasn't all faded it can't be blamed on the drugs solely.  I understand some but I'm not a scientist by any means nor did I want to learn anything from the man.  I do know one of his people, his power was apparently altered as well in some way so whatever it is that he did to do that should at least be reliable to stay as it is."

<Cecilia> "Great, so he's Mengele 2.0 and I got the full Auschwitz treatment..." Cecilia said, feeling quite sick now and having to breathe more deeply to keep from throwing up or passing out. For minute, she considered asking him to detail everything that was injected into her or taken out but decided to leave that for later 'cause there was something else she was more interested in.

<Cecilia> "How could you just stand there and let him do that to me? You liked me well enough to consider me kind of a friend. I can't imagine what a cold fish you'd have to be to just let that happen and do nothing."

<Fabian> "I completely considered you a friend."  Fabian clarified even though it was almost a horrible thing to say.  "You were almost the only person there I would have called friend."  He swallowed around the dryness in his throat for again hearing of Mengele, remembering the feeling of the chains coming at him and knowing that it was what he truly did deserve even if he wasn't going to let himself go that way.  "I think, really...I was trying to win too much but couldn't figure out how to win at all.  It seems I've managed to make sure I've scorched all of the earth around me instead."

<Cecilia> Well that was a mild way of putting it. "Y'know I almost didn't make it, right?" Cecilia asked, her throat growing tight and her eyes beginning to well up. "I tried to kill myself 'cause of all the shit your boss and his cronies put me through. It was only sheer luck I survived at all."

<Fabian>"I know."  Fabian replied, his voice going distant.  He could imagine her laying dead; it was an easy enough image to pull up in his mind considering he had seen a passable copy of such a scene.  Adding another visual besides him shooting her shield and her collapsing from the impact of it wasn't all that appealing but Fabian could imagine the other as well.  It wasn't as if he hadn't considered her killing herself before as the topic had come up many times before in the cell.  

<Cecilia> "Does it hurt?" Cecilia asked coldly, sniffing slightly. I hope it does.

<Fabian> "Of course it does.  It should."

<Cecilia> Don't say that. I need a reason not to feel for you. Give me a reason to hate you, please. For a minute she stood there sniffling before moving towards the door. "I think I'm gonna leave...thanks for answering my questions."

<Fabian> Fabian opened his mouth, then shut it.  What right did he have to ask anything?  He opened his mouth to try again.  "I'll answer anything you put to me; I promise you that...may I ask you a question before you leave?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

<Fabian> "There is a possibility that I will be staying here for the foreseeable future.  I thought that might be asking a good deal of you as well as the others.  Would you please let me know if it is and I will discuss alternatives with Xavier about what to do with me sooner?"

<Cecilia> She nodded again. "Yeah, I can do that."

<Fabian> "Thank you,"  Fabian replied with a nod, trying to ignore the stinging and the watering at the corner of his eye.  "Thank you for coming as well. Even though it obviously wasn't for me I feel I should thank you all the same."

<Cecilia>"…Y'know, this would be so much easier if you really were a shitty person and I could just hate your guts."

<Fabian> Fabian paused for a moment, not sure how to help her one way or the other on that front.  "Well, I can be pretty shitty if that helps.  I mean, I'm at the 'rich kids of instagram' obnoxious at times if it helps?"

<Cecilia> Cecilia snorted bitterly. "My roommate had a fucking pony when she was a kid. You'll have to do better than that."

<Fabian> "Lizzie's your roommate, right…"  Fabian nodded, chuckling a bit.  "I'll see her pony and raise a temporary pet monkey on vacation in Laos."

<Cecilia> "Yeah, she is and you'll be lucky if she doesn't kill you. Her twin brother's the Death horseman."

<Fabian> "I know,"  Fabian admitted, swallowing his sigh as he was brought back to the horrible issues at hand.  This was what his life was going to be now, reminders about how much he will be hated and knowing it was rightly so.

<Cecilia> Cecilia was feeling guilt as well, but not for the same reasons as Fabian. She was still all too aware that if she hadn't completely shattered then she would be Death instead of Brian. Maybe if it were me then things would be better. "I should go," she said eventually.

<Fabian> "Should I expect to see you here again?"  Fabian asked before he could rightly stop himself, curiosity getting to him too much for restraint to do it's duty.  The question was already out in the open and the strange desperation lingered afterwards.  He wasn't sure which he wanted more: the chance for forgiveness from Cecilia or a simple visit to look forward to instead of staring at his only half-unpacked room. No, he knew which he wanted more but he knew both were unlikely at best.


<Cecilia> "I live in the same building, it's pretty likely you'll see me around." Well, that was kind of a cop out. "I don't know," she said, deciding that was a more accurate answer. "I'm still taking things one day at a time. I don't like to think too far into the future...it makes me feel like I'm falling into a deep dark pit."

<Fabian> Fabian wished he hadn't even asked that question, hadn't even thought of the words.  He almost wished that she had stuck with the first answer as well because what answer could have been more depressing than the one provided?  What could be more damning than to know someone who didn't need to fear the future did so because of you?  "Okay then," he nodded, deciding it was best to let her on out the door.  She certainly didn't want to linger here with whatever she had managed to plan for at least the day.  

<Cecilia> "Make sure you watch your ass," Cecilia offered, opening the door. "You might also wanna invest in a scarf. I can see someone already tried to choke the shit out of you with all the bruises."

<Cecilia> She let the door fall shut behind her and managed to get down to the end of the hallway before she slumped against the wall, sliding down to the floor in a sobbing heap.
Nov 16 2015, 12:43 PM
Fabian felt an empty space in him where all of the weight had been carried.  He had told, come clean.  That was all well and good but he was almost certain there wouldn't be a day where he truly felt as if he had come clean no matter that everything was out in the open.  People were loading the plane even as he tried to grapple with what to do with himself right now.  A part of him wished he was on that plate...actually all of him wished that.  Still, he certainly wouldn't be trustworthy to the team out there and if he was seen it would be the end for his sister.  He was destined to sit, wait, and wonder what his life was going to be now.

His feet carried him to the kitchen but once he was there he still didn't know what to do with himself except stand and stare at the place.  Surely someone would be turning him over to the police or something.  It was the best he could hope for himself, it was what he deserved but it was something he didn't know how to consider.  It was a strange thing looking at your future and knowing there shouldn't be one now.  Still, it was the price to pay.

He shuffled forward, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and making to get to the sink.  He didn't trust himself to do anything beyond water right now and there wasn't really anything he wanted.  Fabian wasn't sure he was capable of wanting anything right now.

Cecilia hadn't been asleep when everyone rushed out of bed to do battle with the forces of evil or whatever and even if she had been then she sure as hell would've been woken up by all the commotion.

Sighing, she supposed there wasn't much point in staring up at the ceiling anymore hoping that sleep might come to her now, so she hauled herself up, threw on some sweats and made her way downstairs. Right now, a chocolate bar seemed like a pretty good idea.

"Oh...hey," she said, slightly disappointed for a second when she saw someone else in the kitchen but relaxing when she saw who it was. "It's you again."

The moment the voice came from behind him Fabian dropped the glass into the sink, jumping back with a quick swear.  "Collons!"  He turned and almost relaxed when he saw Cecilia but went straight back to tense.  How could he relax?  Certainly not around her, not with one of the people he had wronged the most. "Sorry, sorry."  He stepped back to the sink, glad that the glass had at least broken in large chunks so he could pick it out easier.

"...Colons?" Cecilia said, raising an eyebrow. It sounded like it was meant to be a curse word but it wasn't Spanish (she'd have known if it was) and that surprised her 'cause she would've expected a Spaniard to swear in his native language. Instead, this sounded kinda French to her.

She didn't think that he would react like this when she spoke but when he dropped the glass she felt bad for not announcing her presence more. "Jesus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I seem to startle you a lot, huh?"

"Here let me help with that," she said, making her way over to the sink to pick out glass with him.

Fabian wanted to deny so much that he could actually feel his eyes start to water but he blinked it away, not looking up at Cecilia as she came over but still sidestepping to be sure he wasn't too close to her.  He wasn't sure he could stand much of that.  "No, it's not you.  It's...been a bit of a night."  A year, too much of one.  Fabian didn't even know where to divide where everything had started to go so horribly wrong.

Cecilia noticed the shift away from her and felt her heart sink when he did. Great, someone must've told him what a psycho she was and now he couldn't stand to be around her, just like everyone else. "Really," she said, forcing her voice to go hard and clipped so that the hurt didn't show. "I find that hard to believe."

This wasn't the person he should be telling.  He should let one of her friends handle it so she could actually have some support for hearing this.  The impulse to tell her himself was a selfish one but Fabian knew that he sometimes was a selfish person and he was in no form to deny himself this. "I turned myself in.  That's how they knew there was an attack coming."

"Y'know, I never asked to be like this. What happened to me is the same thing that happens to everyone that endures the special level of hell that I did. I am doing the best I damn well can to get my life back on track and I really resent it when people treat me like a fucking leper as soon as they find out I-" Cecilia stopped mid-rant and gave him a weird look. "What the hell're you talking about?"

"You're not the leper here, I'm the leper.  I put you through that special level of hell."  Fabian could feel himself draining.  Let her do whatever she needed to do.  Maybe she'd try to kill him, who knows?  She deserved the shot of it, that much he did know.  "I was sent here to spy after Malice was discovered."

Cecilia had heard him, but what he said had thrown her so hard that it felt like she hadn't. She blinked rapidly a few times, a stunned expression on her features. "...What?"

"I am…I was the enemy."  No, he couldn't say 'am.'  He didn't want to be the enemy anymore even though it was far too late.  It didn't matter what he wanted because he still had been 'the enemy'.  "I was with Apocalypse."

"I don't believe you," she blurted out, even though she already knew that she did.

"My sister and I...we've known him all our lives, friend of our father's."  Fabian hated explaining.  He didn't know why he had the compulsion to do so because there was no explanation.  It was what it was.  "He recruited us early, said we would be working to elevate mutants in the world, whole talk you can imagine...but the longer we were in the planning took on...well, you know...I certainly don't have to tell you."

He let himself trail off, pulling himself up and looking her in the eye now.  He was at least going to give her the respect she and the others deserved.  If he could do this he could sure as hell look them in the face now.

"If that's true then why are you still here?" Cecilia demanded, her eyes shifting around for exits and possible makeshift weapons. "Shouldn't you have been locked up?"

Oh sweet Jesus, what if he was going to take her back? "If you're here to bring me back to the man that experimented on me then I won't be taken alive. Do you understand me? I'd rather die than go back to that place and I will kill you without a second thought if you try anything with me!"

"They think you're dead."  That probably wasn't much comfort hearing that but at least she could get that they weren't looking for her by his words.  Fabian couldn't give her much.  "I just betrayed them.  I'm staying here until the staff decide how to turn me in.  I'm sure if I were to leave both sides would be after me pretty quickly.  That doesn't sound like something I'm interested in having happen." He knew which he would rather be caught by even with that situation.  Nobody wanted to be in Essex's grasp and also be considered expendable; Cecilia would know that.

"I'm not here to bring you back.  I'm not going to do anything to you at all."

Cecilia edged a little closer to the wooden block where all the knives were kept. "Oh really, and why would they think that?"

"Because I was ordered to kill you and, as far as they know, I did."

"What, did I escape from you and you just didn't tell them?" Cecilia said snidely, pulling out a knife from the block and positioning it in front of her to put some distance between them. She'd always suspected that she was found wandering around 'cause someone fucked up and she'd managed to escape somehow.

"We worked out between us how it to go about it in case the resident telepath or my sister were to pick up on too many things that were off.  We ended up having me shoot your shield so I'd at least have the memory of me taking aim at you and firing if they poked around too much."

It just kept getting worse and worse. "We knew each other?"

"Y-yes."  Fabian didn't know what else to say.  He didn't want to call them friends certainly, he didn't want to push himself in her life or jog her memory and make worse ones come up.  "Yes, we knew each other.  I was in charge of training prisoners."

Cecilia felt like vomiting.

Fabian licked his lips, finding both them and his tongue had both dried right up.  He was being betrayed by every ounce of his body.  "You aren't going to have to worry about running into me again or anything if I can help it.  I'm going to do my best to stay out of people's way until the staff has figured out what to do with me, yeah?"

She didn't answer him, the knife in her hand shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"…Okay?"  Fabian asked again, not sure what he should even do  She was either going to stab him or get sick in the sink and who knows what other options were laying in between for her to do as well.  Hell, she could do both.

"Get out," Cecilia said, her voice so distorted with rage it didn't even sound like her anymore. "Now."

Fabian didn't need told twice.  Him staying in his dorm as often as he could would be best for everyone involved save for Pete but, chances are, he would be moved soon enough.  He made for the door, keeping his mouth closed as to not say anything further that might trouble her more.

Cecilia waited until he was out of the room before finally letting the knife drop and bursting into bitter tears, coving her face with her hands as she sobbed. God, why her? What was the point?
May 6 2015, 02:40 PM
Earlier...

Cecilia sat on the edge of her unmade bed, her feet resting on the metal frame where the mattress was placed, rubbing her eyes and sighing a little as she looked at the clock. 7:00 PM, so she'd slept over twelve hours again and missed a dose even though she'd set an alarm for it.

She glanced over at Lizzie's side of the room which was pristine in comparison to her side which was now a mess with scattered pill packages, an overflowing laundry basket and several half-empty glasses of soda on the nightstand, wondering if the purple haired telepath had left before she'd woken up or if she'd never slept here at all.

Grumbling, she reached for the packet of pills and checked the label. If a dose is missed take it as soon as you remember unless it's closer to the time for another in that case just skip the forgotten dose and continue with your regular medication schedule, blah blah blah…okay, so she would just take it in an hour. No big deal.

Dropping the package back onto the nightstand, she stood up and grabbing her towel off the hook on the door. After a shower she'd go get something to eat and then make an attempt to clean up the room a little. Even a little bit of febreze and an open window would probably do wonders.

A little later…

After taking a shower, brushing her teeth and changing into a clean pair of sweatpants she wandered down into the kitchen. Keeping close to the wall and checking around the corners. Normally she'd wait until it was dark, when most people would be in their rooms before coming down but she didn't have anything to drink upstairs that wasn't stale or flat and she couldn't wait.

Going straight for the fridge, she opened it and took out some cranapple juice that was a little less than half empty, considering it for a moment before deciding 'fuck it' and drinking straight out of the carton.
Apr 5 2015, 09:03 PM
April 2nd, 2015

PYSCH EVALUATION: CECILIA M. REYES


NAME: CECILIA M. REYES
RACE: BLACK/HISPANIC (MIXED)
GENDER: F
D.O.B: 05/05/1996
ADDRESS: 1407 GRAYMALKIN LANE, NORTH SALEM
TELEPHONE: (914) 867-5309 ext. 98



HISTORY

Cecilia Reyes was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico. When she was three years old the family relocated to the Bronx, New York where she spent the remainder of her childhood with a few brief stints living with various relatives or guardians in the surrounding area. She is the second child in her sibling group (with an older brother close in age) and the only female child in her immediate family. Also notable is the fact that she is the product of an interracial relationship (Afro-Caribbean and Hispanic) which holds a great deal of significance to her and others in her community.

For someone of her ethnic and cultural background she has little contact with her extended family members due to disapproval on her father's side over her parent's relationship. Despite this though she does have mostly good relationships with the few family members that have moved to the tri-state area from the island. She has also enjoyed a number of friendships over the years in her neighbourhood of origin but admits that most of these have fallen to the wayside since she entered college.

Since her birth, the patient has lived in extreme poverty and is at this time the first person in her entire family to pursue a post-secondary education. During childhood, her home life was very supportive - although by her own admission not always the most stable - due to financial difficulties and the various issues that come along with that as well as the inherent problems low-income, high crime area such as the neighbourhood she grew up in has even though most of these problems did not affect her directly.

Among the more clinically significant events in her childhood (of which there are many) is the murder of her father when she was eleven years old. Despite enduring significant trauma as a result of being a witness and also a victim to this event, the patient indicates that she received no counselling or professional support afterwards and was left to “deal with things on her own” for the most part which might have set her up for (or even pre-dated) her current issues.

During the last weeks of December 2014, the patient was the victim of a coordinated attack at her university campus which resulted in her and several other student's kidnapping by a mutant extremist group. She was taken to a still undetermined location where she was psychologically/physically tortured and subjected to human experimentation until March 2015, when she was released for reasons unknown.

Since returning to the school she has been suffering from a series of mental health issues and has made a serious suicide attempt for which she was hospitalized for. Before this meeting she was assessed and prescribed medication by a physician in Boulder, Colorado.

DIAGNOSIS

BRIEF PSYCHOTIC DISORDER WITH MARKED STRESSORS (PRIOR TRAUMATIC EVENT)


A. Presence of one (or more) of the following symptoms:

• delusions
• hallucinations
• disorganized speech
• grossly disorganized or catatonic behaviour

B. Duration of an episode of the disturbance is at least 24 hours but less than a month with eventual full return to premorbid level of functioning.

C. The disturbance is not better accounted for by a mood disorder with psychotic features, schizoaffective disorder or schizophrenia and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a controlled substance or other medical condition.


MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER (CLINICAL DEPRESSION)

A. Presence of five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same two week period and represent a change from previous functioning, at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure.

• depressed mood most of the day and nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report or observation made by others.
• markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all (or almost all) activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others).
• significant weight loss when not dieting, weight gain or decrease/increase in appetite nearly every day.
• insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.
• psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).
• fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
• feelings of worthlessness or excessive/inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day.
• diminished ability to think/concentrate or indecisiveness nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others).
• recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

B. Symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.

C. Symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism).


POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD) WITH DISSOCIATIVE SYMPTOMS (DEREALIZATION), NO DELAYED EXPRESSION

A. Patient was exposed to actual/threatened death, actual/threatened serious injury or actual/threatened sexual violence as follows (at least one required):

• direct exposure
• witnessing (in person)
• indirectly by learning that a close relative/friend was exposed to trauma
• repeated or extreme indirect exposure to adverse details of the event(s)

B. Traumatic event is persistently re-experienced as follows (at least one required):

• recurrent, involuntary and intrusive memories
• traumatic nightmares
• dissociative reactions (flashbacks) which may occur on a continuum from brief episodes to complete loss of consciousness
• intense or prolonged distress after exposure to traumatic reminders
• marked physiologic reactions after exposure to traumatic stimuli

C. Avoidance of distressing stimuli after the event as follows (at least one required):

• thoughts or feelings related to the trauma
• external reminders related to the trauma

D. Negative changes in perception and mood that began or worsened after the traumatic event as follows (at least two required):

• inability to recall key features of the traumatic event for reasons unrelated to controlled substances or physical injuries
• persistent negative beliefs and expectations about themselves or the world at large
• distorted blame of themselves or others for causing the traumatic event or the resulting consequences
• persistent negative trauma related emotions
• markedly diminished interest in significant activities
• feeling of alienation from others
• persistent inability to experience positive emotions


E. Alterations in arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the traumatic event as follows (at least two required):

• irritable or aggressive behaviour
• hypervigilance
• self-destructive or reckless behaviour
• exaggerated startle response
• problems in concentration
• sleep disturbance

F. Persistence of symptoms for more than one month.

G. Significant symptom related distress or functional impairment.

H. Disturbance is not due to controlled substances or other medical condition.


TREATMENT

SWITCHING FROM 20 MG SEROQUEL TO 10 MG CLOZAPINE DAILY DUE TO INEFFECTIVENESS OF THE PREVIOUS MEDICATION AND UNCOMFORTABLE SIDE EFFECTS.
WEEKLY BLOOD TESTS REQUIRED FOR THE DURATION OF MEDICATION USE TO ENSURE AGRANULOCYTOSIS DOES NOT OCCUR IN PATIENT.
BIWEEKLY TALK THERAPY SESSIONS SCHEDULED.



DR. LEONARD SAMSON
685 EAST 12th STREET, MANHATTAN
(914) 567-1234
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